did you get engaged???
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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