Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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