last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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