i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
