dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
