So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
