At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
