also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shit smells like andre
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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