You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
