Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
