I smell stomach acid.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
