btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
