TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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