It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
