I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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