just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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