the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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