how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
