I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
