so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
