bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it's like iHOP with fire
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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