Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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