You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i out mim tonsoeep
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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