Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
