Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
