I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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