Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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