my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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