why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This is my gift to your gina
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
