apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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