No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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