That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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