i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
