may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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