Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
