final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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