That's intense
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
