just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
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you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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