I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
