I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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