$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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