Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
