she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
