i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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