I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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