I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
