nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
