dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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