...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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