I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
