Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
