ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
