i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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