I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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