She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
