I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
