he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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