that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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