Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
