please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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